life

Just spent six days in Montreal. I worked and played hard. I met some great people and saw some great music. I also had a lot of time and space to think. It's been a rough two years. I'm not sure if this is normal growing pains or just me, but basically, there was a rough patch at work (now sorted, but the job is still as busy and I've been wondering what the next step) and also a lot of rough patches in personal life.

Change is sometimes hard to deal with. One of my most loved people in the world called me while I was driving to montreal and said she had tried to hang herself. I almost crashed the car. I can't imagine the world without her. I was shocked. I hadn't seen it coming. And I also wondered how it had all gotten away from her so quickly without the rest of us knowing how to intervene. Is there any way to help when you are going down this road?

Suicide is something I can't deal with. My dear friend Fraser took his own life just years after we graduated from high school. In some ways, I think he was one of the smartest people I knew - bordering on genius, even. At this time of year, I think of him often because it's a sad anniversary in my own life. Even though he is not with us anymore I still love him. I'm glad he was in our lives - with his funny loping walk, and his easy attitude. He was one of the only people I remember who used to just stop by the house to say hi. I loved it that he did. People these days are so hidden behind technology. If you don't check your facebook, some friends won't bother calling you to invite you the party. Personally, this year has been all about figuring out who belongs in my life. My sisters both had some rough patches too but I'm happy to say we're all pulling through, but not without a huge effort on the part of all of us. Sometimes being from a big family means you have more people to check in on, but seeing where we are all at today, I have to say I feel lucky to have them all.

I'm back at at home now, in my messy little apartment. It's a comfort to be here, but my mind is still a little upset. I'm going to say a little prayer for all of you. I feel like it's been a tough month for a lot of people.